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T.G.Chronicles TN.78.0 - What happens in Burstall, stays in Burstall (So I'll Keep This General)

I dare speculate that July long weekend is the most demanding of the extensible weekends. Like a forlorn housewife she skulks about your calendar poignantly reminding you of the commitment you’ve made to focus your efforts on providing her the attention she deserves. Thousands of celebratory events are held; each of their own significance in terms of entertainment and reverence, all of them competing for the affections of an entire country. Each year a tiny town in the mid-western part of Saskatchewan explodes in an ordinance of patriotism, sport, and revelry. My plans for that weekend are forever written in shale and lime; the Burstall Summer Slam Slo-pitch tournament.

Thirty-two teams entered the tournament this year with their hopes and dreams of slo-pitch glory placed squarely on the sweet spots of 32” aluminum bats.

Friday afternoon The Kindersley Diamond Devils sauntered into the northern campgrounds of the Burstall regional park with a confidence stemming from two previous “A” flight finishes in two concurrent years. The team spent the majority of the evening getting acquainted with what would be their temporary home over the next four days. After supper some of The Devils ventured away from the campsite and engaged in close contact relationship building exercises with the locals. The foundations of lifelong friendships were surely built that night. Despite a good deal of merriment each of the teams’ members was intent on displaying their particular strengths in the morning.

Saturday yielded good fortune as the Devils scorched the first two teams of their pool under an equally searing mid-day sun. The team members swung the bat well while scoring runs in bunches which allowed them to end both games early via the dreaded “Mercy” rule. Despite this rules name, it provides no actual element of mercy whatsoever. It should probably be called the “I’m Significantly Ashamed of the Way I’ve Played Here Today” rule. The day’s most memorable accomplishment might be an unplanned four home-run performance by our lead-off hitter (in our first game).

Saturday night The Devils overran a cabaret headlined by Emerson Drive. The band put on a fantastic show as did the two-thousand plus (this is a complete approximation) spectators. Just before the musicians hit the stage an impressive fireworks show took place. The earliest unequivocal documentation of fireworks dates back to 12th century China, where they were used to frighten away evil spirits with their loud sound and also to pray for happiness and prosperity. These must have been some high quality fireworks because I (personally) was happy and did prosper that night….a lot.

Sunday morning awoke to find The Devils management performing tent visits awaking each player with the reminder of the requirement to balance an evening’s engagement in activities of the extra curricular with an equally enthusiasitic athletic performance. The Team sat and ate breakfast (those of whom could) while finely sharpened tongues reminded Devils of the variety of sins they had made the night prior. Having a late afternoon game that day, The Devils slowly (but surely) slid into Budweiser’s broth. The management did their best to curb enthusiasm while thrice over attempting to “cut off” the more serious of the offenders. True to form, The Devils fielded a defensive gem in winning a low scoring game. In fact, the only identifiable residual of the day’s early indiscretion was a way too-many strike out performance by one player in particular.

Sunday night The Devils celebrated a third (in three years) birth in the “A” flight playoffs with an evening of Beersbee, Horseshoes, and Ring Toss. The Team also spent a good portion of the evening further developing Friday nights relationships with the locals. I believe it’s safe to assume that, at this point, everyone in Burstall (and at the tournament) was quite aware of what The Devils were capable of, on and off the field. If you had to pick an evening that the Team “took it easy”, I suppose you’d choose this one, although that’s a bit of a misnomer.

Monday broke to find several of The Devils players in much the same state. Various bumps, bruises, and injuries had been incurred over the past three days. Reported ailments included road rashes, blackened eyes, first degree burns, wood splinters, blistered toes, twisted knees, swollen fingers, cut feet, extensive sun burns, thrown-out arms, and about a dozen hangovers. The Devils balked at the myriad of medical annoyances and served discharge papers to an “A” side quarter-final opponent via the ever ominous “Mercy” rule. Insert cliché here.

The Devils returned to the campsite forced to allow the first inklings of normal life creep in as they began taking down tents, packing up food, and declining liquor. An eerie calm came over the communal site as everyone considered what lay ahead on the ball diamond and in tomorrows return to work. The Devils battled hard through an “A” semi-final loss which ended in a walk-off homerun during the final at bat. The team decided (with overwhelming agreement) that all players performed remarkably well throughout the weekend.

Burstall Summer Slam is as much a marathon as it is a ball tournament, and it’s just as difficult to complete. Arriving home Monday evening and falling into bed in an exasperated heap of narcoleptic shock is an accomplishment in itself, let alone trying to arrive there unscathed. I know I had a great time, as I’m sure my teammates and the entirety of the attendees did as well. Thanks to Burstall for hosting the best ball tournament I’ve ever attended and thanks to The Kindersley Diamond Devils for making it just that.

Sincerely,

T.G.WEBER